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A Lion In the House
“The Italian memoirist Primo Levi, who survived a concentration camp and then navigated his way through blasted Germany to his native Turin, often remarked that among the most fatal qualities of the...
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Conglomeration, An Explanation
For one year of my life I was a science teacher. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but my love of science fueled the absurd number of hours I put into trying to learn the subjects enough to then...
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Mountains Beyond Mountains
I don’t know what year it was, only that I was a teenager. My family was on our annual summer camping trip, this time to Jasper National Park in Canada. The views that my eyes took in on that trip...
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Home, Sweet, Beautiful, Beloved Home
When Allistaire’s relapse after transplant was confirmed, Sten and I asked the doctor about the possibility of bringing Allistaire home for a visit. We were told, “No.” From what I understand, the...
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Day + One Hundred and One
Under ideal circumstances…ideal circumstances being you’ve survived the napalming of chemo and radiation and the attacks of Graft Versus Host with your cancer still no where in sight, you get to start...
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Transitive Property
Sunlight filtered through leaves, ripples like waves reflecting sun. The wall undulates with shadow and bright. It calms me. The leaves ruffle and quiver. The trunk and branches moved by wind,...
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Ruts
I’ve really only had one, true social work job, but it was my dream job. As I lay down to bed on the day that I applied to be a case manager with Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission, I could not go to...
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Curve Ball and Splendor
It’s been a while and it has been a full time. A lot has transpired. Here it is in brief: On Thursday, October 3rd, Allistaire was officially discharged from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance by sweet...
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Intermingled, Intertwined, Infiltration
Is it like oil and water that sit side by side or is it like ink in water that mixes and colors the whole solution? Both probably. Probably both. We moved out. We flew the coop. We said, “Peace...
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Cornucopia
I was lured out of the warmth of my bed into the darkness of the cold house, no visual evidence of impending morning, only my body sensing the pleasure of the quiet hours. I was further drawn out the...
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Advent
Tonight I listen to Ola Podrida because this is my music of two years ago. Two years. December 1st marks two years since this all began. On a mellow winter afternoon on December 9, 2011, I was told...
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Yes and Amen
I hucked the Christmas tree out the door this afternoon. It was satisfying, though I wished I could have launched it even further. I wish I was a javelin thrower and could have sent that thing...
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Tilting Earth
They call it the cold smoke. The snow so fine it floats on the currents of air, swirling, aloft. The drive down Bridger this morning was more treacherous than it seemed it should have been. The...
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Ephraim
With elation and with delight at the sunny afternoon we drove down the hill of the hospital campus. It was nearly four o’clock and we were just leaving the hospital on the day that was supposed to...
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Let’s Obliteride – Again!
When I was a student at the University of Washington, I took Chemistry for three glorious quarters. I remember sitting on the edge of the wooden lecture hall seat, entranced as my professor pointed...
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Mixed Results on CT
How many times have I been verbally harassed about “just giving an update,” rather than waiting longer to give the fuller picture – ultimately, a picture I believe to be far richer and more significant...
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GOOP or COP or whatever ya wanna call it
Seems like we should be further along with this whole process. A lot has been accomplished but still, no firm diagnosis. Allistaire did great with last week’s endoscopy, BAL (lung wash) and lung...
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Magical
We pale Montanans approach the line for the ride, tentative in the foreign heat of Florida in May and unsure what this little blue pass will provide. The sign says there is a 60 minute wait. My...
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One Year Post-Transplant Long Term Follow Up
“The peace is partly in being free of the suspicion that pursued me most of my life, no matter where I was, that there was perhaps another place I should be, or would be happier or better in.”...
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SMACK DOWN!
Yes, there was once a wee lass who got cancer. Who’s ever seen a bald kid except on those billboards? But there she was, little but fierce, fighting a foe who nearly took her down. But in swooped some...
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